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Topic: Trying (Futilely) To Keep Up
Posted by Everyman - 08:57:53 EST



For over two decades now, the president of the United States has pretended to pardon a turkey (and its alternate, which exists in case the primary turkey is, um . . . unable to stand around and be a turkey on that day) just before Thanksgiving to make us all feel a little better about the delicious turkey genocide we carry out in the name of togetherness and gratitude.

Obviously this is weird and unnecessary, but if there's anyone who should love the turkey pardon, it would be PETA right?

Hey, at least these two magnificent creatures will not be eaten.

But no! PETA hates it too:

The animal rights group PETA is calling on Obama to cancel the turkey pardoning, calling it a "sorely outdated event" that "makes light of the mass slaughter of some 46 million gentle, intelligent birds and portrays the United States' president as being in some sort of business partnership with the turkey-killing industry."

The turkeys disagree with PETA, I believe. They may even be embarrassed by the organization, truth to tell.

Turkeys understand that they have a starring role to play on this unique family holiday - pretty much the only time of year anyone thinks kindly of them, I'm thinking - and those whose lives come to an end with such celebration are not entirely displeased to have a happy ending, such as it is.

Turkeys understand, as some people do, that every life comes to an end sometime, and they opt for a fitting celebration of their ends as a means of giving humankind a well-deserved holiday meal.

Or at least I prefer to think that, strange and unusual as that thought might be.

That's all.


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